OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
