fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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