STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
