he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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