she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
