Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
