WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
