if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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