Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
