Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
