i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want to be your penis for a week.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
