Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
