Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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