My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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