Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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