I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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