i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
