Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
