T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
