so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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