listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
