all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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