If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
