i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
