i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
