Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
