proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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