just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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