im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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