I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
