and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
