im so drunk with asians
where?
always
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NoShamevember. You game?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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