Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
