I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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