Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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