He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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