yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
