Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
