there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
