One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
