When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
