There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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