get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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