If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
