there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
