Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
