My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
