Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
