Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
