Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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