I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
