You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
