We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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