Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
