Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
