My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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